You've probably heard that when a loved one is in their last moments many times they hold on waiting for the OK that its time to go. When it was obvious that Deb would not last more than a day or two I leaned in and told her it was OK to go. She fought hard and she needed to be at peace. Just come back and visit as a cardinal once in awhile. One day later at 3:15 am Deb took her last breath.
There is no lonelier feeling than leaving a hospital and your vehicle is the only one in the parking lot knowing that your loved one will never come back. There is a sense of relief that the surffering is over but the fact that your life will never be the same because of the loss is deafening. Deb, my wife and friend of over 20 years was gone forever.....or was she?
Once home I couldn't sleep. I made some tea and went outside and just stared. I was in shock. Disbelief. Relieved and angry. Friends and neighbors started to gather as we all tried to make sense of what just happened. Then off to the right there's a red flash as a cardinal flies by and lands on a nearby fence about 30 feet away. It stuck around for over 5 minutes. We were all very surprised and for a moment felt joy that maybe Deb was visiting. Well, it's a nice thought anyways. We do not have cardinals in our yard. Maybe twice a year. Our feeders attract Debs favorite bird the Chickadee.
One mans miracle is another mans coincidence. But then the next morning having tea and the next and the next and everyday this Cardinal would show up while I waited. When Debs daughter came by a week later to plan the life celebration her and her husband arrived in the afternoon. As we sat outside Sarahs husband John said look and pointed above our heads and there she was sitting on a pergola rung.
One day as I waited wondering where Deb was I got a text from a family friend Sandi Kelch who lives a mile or 2 away asking if I had seen Deb yet. No, she's late. Sandi says she will be there shortly she just left me. Sure enough about 5 minutes later she was on her spot on the fence.
One day I had to leave town for the night. I didn't want Deb to think I abandoned her so friends would show up and wait on the deck in my absence. Yes, the cardinal would show up and they would send pictures.
My favorite moment has to be when fellow employees and friends from Midwest Communications surprised me with a bench in Debs honor. What an amazing gesture. I brought the bench home and set it up by a pond on the deck. The next morning when Deb arrived she sat on the bench across from me. I was shaking. I couldn't believe it.
These visits continued every day from July 22, 2019 til September 14, 2019. On that day I didn't have to wait. As I opened the patio door there she was above my head. As alway she hung around for awhile and took off. With 2 exceptions that is the last time that Deb showed up. That final day.......was her birthday. She must have been telling me that it's ok. She's ok and I'll be ok. Deb did show up 2 other times after that. February 14th, yeah like they have calendars wherever she is. And July 22, 2020 the one year anniversary of her death.
I don't know what I believe happens when we die. I do believe that was Deb. Whenever I am sad and overwhelmed with grief i think of those remarkable moments and they give me hope. I would like this story to give you hope as well during your losses and struggles. Thank you all for your love and support. As Deb would say "Peace out Girl Scout".
